salut~ first post of the year! i guess it really is a twice-yearly kinda relationship between me and you huh? so, half a year into 2017. i have definitely achieved more money, much more than any of my friends would. am i happier? i have to be in delusion to say yes. we spend our lives chasing for happiness. and for most people, happiness would equate to... money. i've always believed in the whole "先苦后甜" (it basically means going through bitterness before you get a taste of sweetness) idea, which explains why i have been pushing myself to make more money. that's because we want to have the money to pursue happiness (holidays, good food, shopping etc). but while we're at it, we'll tend to gradually lose faith in whatever that we're pursuing due to many factors (exhaustion, losing social life, sick of routine, or most of the time.... futile efforts). i often contemplate life. i start to question the purpose of our existence. we spend our youths to chase our dreams... unhappily. i make $6k a month by doing something that doesn't seem deserving of $6k to me. i may try to get to work positively, but i will definitely leave with a migraine so bad it lasts for the rest of the day. sometimes i burst out into tears in the middle of the day, but some days i cheer myself on. i've developed a really bad temper thanks to work. sometimes i feel that i'm so hateful i want to slap myself in the face for whatever i'd said. is this the me that i want to become? is this the youth that i want? will i be happy after i've saved my first million? will i be too old to seek happiness then? look at the contrast between this post and my URL. il dolce far niente. it basically means being happy while doing nothing. i am so far from that.